Can Therapy Help a Narcissist?
The term Narcissist is trending and, in contemporary society, thrown around casually. People often use this term to describe others when things get complicated in relationships. While social media may be quick to label individuals as narcissists, it's essential to recognize that true narcissism goes beyond mere selfishness. Having a greater understanding of the complexities behind this personality trait can help people learn to identify a narcissist, learn skills to interact with a narcissist, and ultimately, how to support themselves when they realize they are involved with a narcissist. In this blog, I will discuss narcissism, how to identify narcissistic traits, and address the question: Can therapy help a narcissist?
Understanding Narcissism:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Individuals with NPD often exhibit a grandiose sense of self and can be preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. Initially, narcissists can make people feel incredibly special and important. (We all want to feel seen and be extraordinary in the eyes of someone.)
When people feel important, they often reciprocate and rise to the occasion. In this type of situation, the Narcissist may be overly generous and demonstrative, telling the other person (the victim) that they are their dream partner, 'soul mate' unlike anyone they have ever met. They often repeat how happy and lucky they are to have met them. This pattern of behavior is called "love bombing" and emotionally hooks the other person. The Narcissist knows how to (initially) make people feel good about themselves; they are extraordinarily manipulative and behave and act like the person's dream partner.
Unfortunately, something will inevitably happen that upsets the Narcissist; they will feel threatened or disappointed and will turn on the person they previously seemed to adore. When the Narcissist turns, the person who once felt so wonderful in the warm gaze of the Narcissist will feel terrible about themselves and ultimately responsible for the problems in the relationship. This concept is critical to understanding how it feels to be in a relationship with a narcissist. People feel guilty for things they did not do. This stage of the relationship is the devalue and discard phase. The victim's emotional reasoning abilities get hijacked by the feel-good neurotransmitters, oxytocin, and dopamine, that get activated in the love bombing stage. The result is an extreme desire to get back into the good graces of the Narcissist and yearn to again be fabulous in the eyes of the Narcissist. At this point, people tend to work incredibly hard to reestablish their connection with the Narcissist. The Narcissist sees this as validation that they are incredible and desirable and that the other person is "groveling" and not worthy of their time. In relationships, Narcissists tend to have predictable patterns of behavior. The pattern is Love Bomb, Devalue, Discard, Repeat. Narcissists move on in relationships quickly because they do not authentically connect emotionally with the other person. They connect with the ideal version of themselves as reflected through the eyes and behavior of their most recent victim. Narcissists do not care about how their actions affect others. However, they do care about being dismissed; this is why it is essential to understand the "repeat" part of their pattern. When you finally decide you have had enough, stop putting any effort into them or the relationship, and disengage entirely, the Narcissist will notice, get upset, and return to the love bombing stage.
Recognizing the Signs:
Identifying a true narcissist can be challenging, especially considering the common misuse of the term in everyday language. Some key signs of narcissism include:
An exaggerated sense of self-importance
Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, or beauty
Belief in one's unique and special status
Exploitative behavior in relationships
Severe lack of empathy
Envy of others and the belief that others envy them
Being overly boastful, exaggerating one's achievements
Pretending to be superior to others
Believing others are inferior
Impatient, angry, unhappy, and depressed
Mood swings when criticized
Blames everyone else and doesn't take responsibility
Quickly disappointed, especially when not revered.
Always craves for "the best" in everything
Has a very fragile self-esteem
The difference between Narcissism and Selfishness:
It's helpful to distinguish the difference between narcissism and selfishness. Selfishness involves an excessive focus on one's own needs and desires, while narcissism encompasses a more profound and pervasive pattern of self-serving behavior that negatively impacts relationships. Mislabeling someone as a narcissist without a proper understanding of the condition leads to harmful misunderstandings and perpetuates negative stigmas.
How therapy can help a narcissist:
Therapy can be instrumental in helping people with Personality Disorders identify challenges in their lives and relationships. However, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder typically resist seeking help. If narcissists find themselves in therapy, often it is because they go to therapy to appease their partner or use the time to tell the therapist how other people are the root cause of their problems. If they find themselves in treatment, a skilled therapist can create a safe and supportive environment for self-reflection and personal growth. Here's how therapy can help narcissists:
Self-awareness and Insight:
Therapy allows individuals to explore their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Narcissists may gain insight into the impact of their actions on themselves and others, leading to a greater sense of self-awareness.
Empathy Development:
One of the core challenges for narcissists is a lack of empathy. In therapy, narcissists, if motivated, can learn about and develop a deeper understanding of other peoples' perspectives. These skills can help them enhance their ability to connect emotionally.
Communication Skills:
Therapy helps people improve their communication skills and fosters healthier relationships. Some narcissists can learn to express needs instead of wants and learn to listen to others, which can contribute to more positive interactions.
Managing Grandiosity:
Therapy can help some individuals with narcissistic personality structures learn to identify and manage their grandiose fantasies, tame their expectations of others, and develop a more realistic and balanced perception of themselves and others.
Building Healthy Relationships:
Developing and maintaining healthy relationships is a critical focus in most therapeutic relationships. Narcissists (some) can learn to establish and sustain connections with others that are based more on mutual respect and understanding.
In conclusion, therapy can sometimes help narcissists on their journey toward personal growth and improved relationships- However, they have to want to change.
Therapy can be highly beneficial for people who find themselves in a relationship with narcissists. Having the support of a trained professional helps people identify narcissists and recognize their maladaptive and selfish patterns of behavior. True narcissists tend to make the people around them feel terrible about themselves while simultaneously claiming zero responsibility for the challenges in their lives and the problems in their relationships. Trained therapists can help people evaluate their relationship with Narcissists and learn to feel better about themselves. As a therapist and healer, I provide support, guidance, and a pathway to healing for individuals navigating the complexities of being in a relationship with a narcissist. Therapy can make a significant difference for people in relationships with narcissists by helping them learn about the personality structure of a narcissist, offering strategies to interact with the Narcissist, and helping them develop a safer exit plan. People can learn to spot the signs of a narcissist so they do NOT repeat the same pattern in other relationships.
