Grief: A Painful, Nonlinear Journey.
In our society, grief is frequently misunderstood and swept under the rug. People often do not know what to say or do when confronted with people grieving, and instead of offering support, retreat.
Immense pain, confusion, and anger often accompany grief. However, when grief is honored as a testament to the love once shared, I have seen the transformative power experienced when people allow grief to catalyze growth, healing, and creativity.
Grief is an unwelcome guest in everyone's lives.
In this blog, I will explore grief from various angles and offer practical strategies for navigating the challenging emotions that coexist with it. Whether you support a grieving friend or family member or are experiencing grief yourself, this guide intends to provide insight and comfort during difficult times.
What is Grief?
Grief is a multifaceted experience that looks different for everyone. Often experienced after the loss of a loved one, grief can also stem from the loss of health, a pet, a job, a relationship, a dream, or even a sense of identity. Understanding that grief can arise in many situations allows us to approach grieving people, including ourselves, with greater compassion and empathy.
Grief is a messy, nonlinear process that ebbs and flows over time. Grief is not linear and does not follow a set timeline. Understanding this nonlinear concept can help us let go of the pressure to "get over it" and instead allow ourselves and others the space to grieve at their own pace and in their own way. Grief tends to come in waves throughout our lives, like the tide, ebbs and flows. Time does not heal all wounds.
How to "Be There" for People Who Are Grieving:
Approaching a grieving person with empathy and sensitivity is imperative. Avoid platitudes or trying to "fix" their pain; offer a listening ear and a compassionate presence. Sometimes, the most meaningful support comes from simply being there, holding space for them and their emotions without judgment or expectation. If you are not sure what to say, tell them. There are no words to mitigate the experience of grief.
Sharing your fond memories of people who have passed, gives others the opportunity to talk about their loved ones and losses. Over time, people often stop talking about people they have lossed, because it makes others uncomfortable.
Saying their names and talking about them keeps their memory alive and lets people know you remember the person, and gives them ‘permission’ to talk about them and remember them together..
Remembering important dates is thoughtful and helps people know that others remember them and acknowledge painful dates. Make an effort to reach out to people around 'anniversary' dates that correspond to their losses, including birth, marriage, death, and divorce dates. These types of remembering are kind and thoughtful ways to let people know they are important to you and that you acknowledge them and their losses.
Here are some activities to help navigate the grieving process:
And can support children, teenagers, and adults.
For children and teens (and adults) struggling to articulate their feelings, creating an environment where they feel comfortable and safe to express themselves is essential. Encourage people to share memories of their loved ones or engage in activities, such as art or journaling, which may help them identify, experience, and process their emotions.
Read Books About Grief: Explore age-appropriate books about grief and loss with them. Reading stories about characters experiencing similar emotions can help normalize their feelings and provide comfort, knowing they are not alone.
Create a Memory Box: Encourage them to gather items that remind them of their loved one, such as photos, drawings, or small keepsakes. Decorate a special box to store these memories and revisit them whenever they feel sad or nostalgic.
Express Through Art: Encourage them to express their emotions through art, whether painting, drawing, sculpting, or any other creative medium. Art can be a powerful form of self-expression and can help people process complex feelings nonverbally.
Create a Scrapbook or Photo Album: Gather photos and mementos of special moments spent with their loved ones and create a scrapbook or photo album. Scrapbooks preserve precious memories and provide a tangible and comforting way for them to reminisce and feel connected to their loved ones.
Write a Letter or Draw Pictures: Invite them to write a letter to their loved one or draw pictures that capture their feelings and memories. Writing may help them express their emotions and 'communicate' with the person they've lost.
Plant a Memory Garden: Choose a spot in your yard or a community garden where, together, you can plant flowers or plants in memory of your loved ones. As they care for the garden and watch it grow, it can serve as a tangible reminder of their shared love and connection.
Create a Ritual or Tradition: Establishing rituals or traditions to honor their loved one can provide a sense of continuity and connection. Rituals can be as simple as lighting a candle on special occasions or participating in a favorite activity that they used to enjoy together.
Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation: Teach simple mindfulness and relaxation techniques to help them cope with overwhelming emotions, and practice them together. Some examples are deep breathing exercises, guided imagery, or gentle yoga stretches.
Seek Professional Support: If you or a loved one is struggling to cope with grief, seek support from a therapist who specializes in grief and loss. They can provide age-appropriate guidance and support tailored to the individual's needs.
Encourage people to Talk about Their Loved Ones:
Encourage Open Communication: Above all, create a supportive environment where people feel comfortable and safe expressing their thoughts and feelings and talking about their loss. Encourage open communication and let them know feeling sad, angry, or confused is OK. Let them know that it is OK NOT TO BE OK!
Give people the opportunity to talk about their loved ones. While some may not want to talk about their loss, many appreciate the opportunity to share memories and talk about the people they have lost.
Engaging in these activities and providing unconditional love and support can help people support their friends, loved ones, and community. These activities can help people navigate the grieving process with resilience and grace.
Offer Practical Support: Cooking meals, running errands, or providing childcare can be immensely helpful for friends, family, and community members. Additionally, checking in regularly and letting them know you're thinking of them can provide much-needed comfort during difficult times.
Navigating Intimate Relationships
Grief can strain even the strongest of relationships, and it helps to remember that people grieve in different ways and at differing times. Communication is essential during this process; openly discussing your feelings and needs can help foster understanding and connection and decrease feelings of isolation commonly experienced while grieving.
For couples and families, it is essential to allow each other space to grieve as individuals while also finding ways to support each other as a team, such as setting aside dedicated time to talk or engaging in activities that bring you closer together.
Above all, remember that grief is not a sign of weakness but a testament to the depth of our love, connection, and experience of being alive. By embracing people grieving with compassion, empathy, and love, we honor them and those who have passed. This process supports people in finding meaning and healing on their journey forward.
Grief is a natural and inevitable part of the human experience, yet it is often clouded by stigma and silence. Offering support and compassion to those grieving, embracing ourselves, and honoring the experience of grief with compassion helps create a more supportive and empathetic world for all. Grief is a source of indescribable pain, but it can also be a source of immense growth and profound human connection.
