Grief and the Holidays: Honoring Loss with Compassion

The holiday season is considered a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. But for many, this time of year also stirs up heartache that lives just beneath the surface. For many, grief feels louder in November and December: empty chairs become more noticeable, traditions look different, and the pressure to feel grateful and cheerful clashes with a heart that feels heavy.

Grief is not linear, does not follow a straight line, or care about the calendar. Grief often expands at different times of the year, especially during the holidays, reminding us of who and what is missing. Whether it's loved ones who have died, a relationship that ended, or a version of life that no longer exists, change carries grief. It is possible to feel both gratitude and sorrow at the same time.

Grief is evidence of love, not a problem to resolve. 

Grief is proof that someone mattered deeply and is missing, and it is a natural response to loss. There is no correct way to grieve. 

Many people tell themselves they are supposed to be "over it" by a specific time, feel judged by others for still being in a pit of despair, or feel guilty for struggling when others around them seem joyful. If that is you, please know this:

You are allowed to feel what you feel. Your grief is valid. Grief is evidence of love with no place to go.

How to support yourself during the holidays

Here are a few gentle practices that may help you move through the season with self-care:

1. Acknowledge your grief.

Create a ritual: light a candle, speak their name, write a letter, share a memory, cook a favorite dish, or place a photo of them somewhere visible. Ritual helps the heart integrate what the mind cannot solve.

2. Lower expectations and honor your energy.

You do not have to attend every gathering or pretend to be strong

Leave early if you need to or choose quiet over celebration.

3. Ask for support.

Reach out to someone who can honor you and your emotions, like a friend or family member who understands. Or seek out a therapist or support group.

4. Make space for joy without guilt.

Moments of laughter or connection do not mean you are forgetting. Joy and sorrow can coexist, and part of being alive.

5. Let yourself rest.

Grief is exhausting. Rest is an act of self-care.  

For those grieving someone they love:

Sometimes what hurts most is not being able to share the holiday with the people we miss. Love does not end. It shifts form.

For those grieving quietly:

Your grief matters even if:

• No one else sees it

• The world expects you to be strong

• You do not have the words yet

• You feel numb instead of sad.

Silence can be a part of grieving

If the holidays feel heavy, you feel disconnected, or you feel overwhelmed, it is essential to remember that you are human and that you are navigating something profound.

Be patient with yourself. 

If you need support, getting through the complexity: the grief, the love, the exhaustion, the hope, and the healing. Reach out for help!